Never mess with a wife

Present For Husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Literal Translations from English to Hindi

How do you do?
* Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch!
* Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!
* Chalo bahar latakte hain !

Have a nice day!
* Achcha din lo!

What's up?
* Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!
* Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me!
* Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

She's so fine!
* Woh itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Hey good looking; what's cooking?
* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party.
* Party mein patthar pheko.

Don't mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

6 Truths of Life

6 Truths of Life


1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.









2. All stupids, after reading the first truth, will try it.











3. And discover that the first truth is a lie.






4.
You're smiling now because you're stupid!






5. You soon will forward this to another stupid!




6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


:-)

Cool Q&A’s-SMS!

Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating!!!

Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE?
A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai… Doosri bigadti hai to ‘SHUROO’ ho jati hai

Q. Doctor: App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai.
A .Man: Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.

Q. What’s the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE?
A. In both cases you feel ‘aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta’

Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upaay bataiye.
A. Sadhu bola , saale, Upaay hota to main sadhu kyoon banta?*

SWOT Analysis-Adult SMS!

A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis.

He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbors wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out.

Cool, Funny-SMS!

Its funny when people discuss over “love marriage” and “arranged marriage”
It is like asking a person if he would like to “hang himself” or “shoot himself”.

What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

Guide: “I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world’s largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic plane s passing by can’t be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?”

Indians Identity Tips-Cool SMS!

. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it’s normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children! in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says ‘No Food Allowed’ ..
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it’s the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won’t let you do certain things because of what the other ‘Uncles and Aunties’ will think..
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions,which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don’t use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.
28. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you’re talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don’t realize phone connections ! to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
33. It’s embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

Cool & Interesting Facts!

Did you know that when you envy someone, it’s because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: “I love you, Sorry and help me”

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that it’s easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you’d be surprised by what you could do.

Santa Jumps-Joke!

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted

“Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident”

Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn’t have a daughter named Preeto.

When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

Urine Test - Santa-Banta!

Santa & Banta were sitting outside a clinic.
Santa was crying like anything.
So Banta asked:”Why are you crying?”
Santa replied: “I came here for blood test”
Banta:” So? Are you afraid?”
Santa:”No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger”
Hearing this Banta started crying.
Santa was astonished and asked Banta: “Why are you crying?” Banta replied: “I have come for my urine test.”

Sardar and Bush-Joke!

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with George Bush.
George Bush: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest.

George Bush: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.
George Bush: more…more. ..more… Sardarji went up to 100 feet.
George Bush: So now, try to search something.

Sardarji: I got a wire.
George Bush : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

Sardarji became frustrated. He invited George Bush to India. Next year George Bush was in India

Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same…he takes George Bush to a forest.

Sardarji : Dig it. George Bush does.
Sardarji : more…more. …. George Bush goes up to almost 400 feet..
Sardarji : try to find something. George Bush tries.
Sardarji : Did you get anything?

George Bush : No, there is nothing here.

Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

Ramayana By Bill Gates.....

Ramayana By Bill Gates.....

When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings.These are excerpts from his diary.

LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya,there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman,BUG-rat and SED- rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers,however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTAL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE (Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a life saving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be BOOTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed thru DOS-rat and, he collapsed,power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man was also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRANSISTOR of RAW-van,PROCESSOR of LAN- ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping,SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by RANSISTOR's plight,approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who,with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice.Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND,'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRAR and

changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.

How to Recruit the Right Person for the Job?

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

• If they are counting the bricks.
  Put them in the accounts department.
  
  
• If they are recounting them..
  Put them in auditing.
  
  
• If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
  Put them in engineering.
  
  
• If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
  Put them in planning.
  
  
• If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
  Put them in operations.
  
  
• If they are sleeping.
  Put them in security.
  
  
• If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
  Put them in information technology.
  
  
• If they are sitting idle.
  Put them in human resources.
  
  
• If they say they have tried different combination, yet not a brick has been moved.
  Put them in sales.
  
  
• If they have already left for the day.
  Put them in marketing.
  
  
• If they are staring out of the window.
  Put them on strategic planning.
  
  
  And then last but not least.
  
  
• If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
  
  Congratulate them and put?them in top management.